What is going on with Me

Hello My fellow friends
I have been having some crazy things happen to me, I have spent a lot of time praying for guidance and help over the last while then I have in a long time. I have been crying a lot while I pray too. I am confused on many aspects of my life right now, Like what I should do about certain situations or what I shouldn't do. And its been driving me crazy that I find myself looking to the lord for help with what I should do and what I should be or not being doing. I know a lot of my relationships have changed with my friends because they are all getting married and beginning families while I struggle with whether or not I should or ever want to get married.
While I am also struggling with my desire to go and serve a 18 month mission while knowing full well that I cannot afford to pay for it or have the money that it in tails for me to even go on one. And that has brought a lot of negativity to my life right now.
Then there is my family who haven't been to church in a long time who are currently in the process of moving for the 2nd time in a year and they have the greatest blessings that the Lord could ever provide them, My dad with a great new job and a wonderful new place to live. Yet I wonder if they even care that the Lord has helped them get all of this.
I pray at night that they will regain a testimony of the gospel and will be grateful for all the wonderful things that they have that they will see that I love them and want to be able to one day live with them again. While I find myself more and more alone and feel like I have no friends right now my one friend provided me with a wonderful reminder that maybe right now I know what Jesus went through when people turned their backs on him and he had no friends but he provided the greatest love to all of us through his atoning sacrifice.
I am grateful for Jesus Christ, He is a wonderful example to me of the wonderful ministry he did on this earth for all the people that he healed and taught for the wonderful example that he is too me. For his undying love for me and for the fact that he died on the cross for my sins. That is something that has been a wonderful comfort in my life.
One of the scriptures that I love the most is Alma 7:11-13 where it says

And he shall go forth suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

And he will take upon him death that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities .

Now the spirit knoweth all things, nevertheless the son of god suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance and now behold this is the testimony which is in me.


Then there is a friend that doesn't realize how truly remarkable of a family this friend has, This friend has told me of many things that has made it difficult for them to get along with their family but I want them to know that the things as of recent that this friends family has done for mine has made me feel a greater admiration for their family. The sacrifice that they have given into helping my family has blessed not only my life but my families life too.

I want you to know that at times in life family is all that you have to rely on, and it's our family that shows us there greatest dedication to us.Whether through the good times or the bad they stick behind us. the things that make us upset by them or make us quick to anger of our family is because of the adversary. I have not always had the greatest relationship with my family, but you know something I know when I need them they are there for me.The things that I may say may hurt you but in some cases I think you are being really childish in running away from your family and not drawing nearer unto them. I know your parents have a great deal of respect and love for you. They have tried to do their best in giving you a life and giving you things that you maybe have taken for granted. I just want you to know that you are my friend and I care for you but I also want you to realize that you have a wonderful family and if I had a family like yours I would want to be with them as much as I could and not away from them.

I hope all is well with my friends, I love you all whether far or close, and during this hard time in my life I want you to know that I am always there for you. if you need advice or just a ear from me I am and always will be there for you. Continue to be a great example to me and until next time.
Crystal